Crossroads
by Ilovejohnmayer
Summary: Edward has left Bella and vows to never see her again, but Bella runs away from home and is living on the cold streets of Chicago, and he can't just sit back and watch her waste away. So, he's going to have to find her. First Twilight fic. R&R please!
1. No Such Thing

Title: Crossroads

Author: Ilovejohnmayer

Chapter Title: No Such Thing

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephanie, just as my stories belong to me!

N/B: This is my fourth Fanfic, but my first Twilight story. Takes place in New Moon time. Please, tell me if anything is wrong or off with Edward or Alice or even Bella. Sorry if it's too short. Please read and review, it's the only way I get better.

**3 months earlier:**

_This is for her_, I remind myself. Her big, brown eyes glaze at me, hurt, no, crushed, but I can not give her what she wants. She doesn't know what she's asking for, truly. This is the only way. This is for her.

"If…if that's what you want." She utters, her eyes closing for the shortest moment. No, I want to say. It is what I never wanted.

"Yes, yes it is." She looks up at me again and starts to speak, but decides against it, her soft, pink lips blocking the words from leaving. I can tell that she absolutely believes the (there is no other word for it) shit that is coming out of my mouth. And this just barely pains me more than actually leaving her. After the many times I had held her close to me, stroked her curly auburn hair, kissed her warm, vital skin; the numerous times I had told her I loved her. None of this mattered now.

"Just promise me this one thing." I detect a flicker of hope in her answer of 'Anything!', and can't help but chuckle inwardly, despite the serious nature of the conversation.

"Please, take care of yourself. Don't do anything rash or stupid. For Charlie, of course, he needs you." She nods solemnly, her eyes wide, and I know its time to go. She knows this too, as she is one word away from breaking down in tears. I remind myself yet again that I am doing this for her, so she has a chance at safety, happiness, and the ability to lead a normal, human life without me.

I give into my own wishes though, and touch her one more time, pressing my mouth to her forehead. I soak the feeling of her, so that I can remember this moment, this feeling, for the rest of my awful existence.

"Goodbye Bella."

**Today**

To anyone else, this view would be a beautiful one; atop a snow capped mountain, wind gently blowing, watching the sun rise into a cerulean sky. Alas, this view does not console me. There is only one view in this entire world that offers me any comfort, and she is gone.

Why, oh, why did I have to be a monster? Why did she have to be so sweet and beautiful and loving and perfect for me in every way possible? I miss her every moment of every day I suffer through, and I will never stop missing her for as long as I live.

I do have a little comfort in the fact that she is safe and, maybe, even happy. Maybe she has found someone else to rely on, someone she can trust. Hopefully she has forgotten all about my family and me and moved on with her life, something I can not bring myself to do.

I slowly rise and stretch, sighing softly and running my hand through my now damp hair. Perhaps, one day, this pain won't sting so badly. Maybe I will one day return to being a semi-functioning member of society.

I run back down the mountain, so fast any straggling hiker would believe I was the wind. I sit in my darkened pueblo hut, listening to the sounds of children splashing in the water and women begging their husbands to put on more sunscreen. I conjure up memories of being with her (it hurts far too much to think of her name), the way she touched me, the way she smiled. What I would give to see that smile again…

After a few hours I remember that I am supposed to visit Alice today. She likes to keep tabs on me, to make sure I'm not suicidal enough to do something stupid, like visit the Volturi. When dusk approaches, and the sounds of joyful children fade, I leave my oceanside dwelling and head into the jungle.

I decide to hunt first, hoping the new blood rushing through my veins will help me appear a little better than I actually am. I've been eating different animals than I did in Forks, and I have welcomed the change. After killing and feeding off a jaguar I head for the tourist welcome center on the edge of the island and wait for Alice. After a few moments she enters, stepping lightly on the concrete floor with her purple flats. The building is closed, of course, but it is only closed to humans. And, last I checked, I was not human.

"Alice," I nod in greeting.

"Edward," she replies. Her high, musical voice is not as high as it used to be. Is she really that concerned for my well being?

I try to joke with her. "You're late, although I'm sure you already saw this coming." She simply nods, her lips tight. I give up (I am not in the best of moods either), and try to dissect her mind for the reason she is so unhappy. But she pushes back, allowing me to only see pictures of my family.

"They are well?" She nods again. This whole conversation is so formal, so…distant. I want the old Alice back, the one that would come up and hug me and tell me everything was going to be okay.

"How are you?" I'm sure she already knows the answer to this question, but I tell her anyways.

"The same." The same being in total desolation, and having no reason to stay on this God-forsaken Earth except for the fact that she is still alive and well.

Alice shifts, obviously uncomfortable in my presence, and I just can't take it anymore. I walk up to her and confront her, closing the gap between us.

"Alice, what is wrong? Is it Carlisle? Esme? Jasper, Rose, Em, tell me?" I demand, listing off the names of my loved ones.

She shakes her head. "No, it's not them."

I'm confused; she's not making any possible sense. I try digging through her head again but, again, come up with nothing.

"Then who-"

"It's her." Oh no, oh no, oh no, please God, not her. My hands fly up to cover my face as I sink to the floor.

"No, no Edward, it's not that bad. At least, not yet." I look up to see her kneeling down towards me, her hand outstretched.

"What is it?," I whisper. I don't know if I can take this. If something has happened to her, I would just…I couldn't…

Alice finally opens her mind to me, and a flood of images she has been holding back come rushing into my mind.

And then I can see her, I see Bel…ah…

I watch her as she puts bags into her truck, writes a note for her father, makes a phone call to her mother. I see her at the bank, withdrawing money. I see her driving, driving for a long time. She's in a city somewhere, and then she's somewhere else, another city, a larger city.

But I see her! Her heart-shaped face, her pink cheeks that turn red when she gets nervous or embarrassed, her soft fingers, so warm in my frigid hands. I can even smell her sweet, floral smell, the smell of her blood, calling me to her.

The empty feeling that usually rages my chest recedes, and I feel as if I can breathe for a moment before I remember that this is only a vision, and that I can not hold her in my arms. Even still, the sight of her makes me feel the slightest bit better.

Something is wrong though, very wrong. These are not positive visions of her. As they go on it gets worse and worse. Her clothes are ragged and ripped, she has lost weight and looks even paler than normal, almost comparable to me. She is…dear God, she's sleeping outside, in a makeshift home of cardboard and blankets, in the freezing cold. She is shivering and crying, and I had no idea, no feelings whatsoever, that this was happening.

I release myself of the visualizations and lay my head down on the wooden floor. What the hell was that?

"She ran away from home. She took all her money from the bank and left Forks. I don't know where she is, other than the fact that she's in a city. Which city? Heaven only knows. She got a job somewhere, despite the fact that she dropped out of high school. She even had an apartment. But then the landlord spiked the rates, I believe, and she lost her housing. Then she lost her job. It's not looking good for her Edward."

"What do you mean by that?!" My tone is accusatory, and I work to calm it. This is not Alice's fault, it's mine and mine alone.

"She's dying on those streets Edward, she wasn't made to live there." Alice sits down on the ground next to me and rubs my hand in slow circles, like I used to do with Be-

"Uh," I grimace in pain. I nearly said it.

"Why didn't you come get me earlier?" Maybe I could have stopped her, prevented this whole scenario.

She shrugs. "Edward, I didn't really understand what she was doing or why. Unless I have something substantial, then I don't feel the need to come to you."

"Why hasn't she phoned home, tried to get help?," I demand. There has to be a reason for all of this.

Alice exhales noisily. "Edward, I don't know! The real question is, what are you going to do?"

I ponder for a moment. Well, there is really is only one thing I can do. I have to find her and help her. I realize I told her I'd never come in contact with her again, but I can't stand by and let her waste away on some urban American street where no one gives a damn. I won't let her be the evening news. Not her.

"We are going to find her."


	2. Daughters

Title: Crossroads

Author: Ilovejohnmayer

Chapter Title: Daughters

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephanie, just as my stories belong to me!

N/B: This is my fourth Fanfic, but my first Twilight story. Takes place in New Moon time. Please, tell me if anything is wrong or off with Edward or Alice or even Bella. Thanks for all the great reviews, and thanks to askjaz for all her help!

"I just don't understand why Charlie needs to know." Alice complains to me yet again. We are on board an airplane, headed towards the United States. This will be the first time I've set foot on American soil since, well…

"He deserves to know that I am the reason this all happened, and that I will do everything in my power to find his daughter." And I will.

Alice shrugs lightly, taking a slip of her water. Even though there is absolutely no benefits or nutritious value from it, she says the feeling is somewhat comforting.

"He's not going to be happy about this, you know that, right?"

I ignore her and look at the person across the row, trying to keep myself from thinking about it. Thinking about her pains me, and I don't think I can stand this torment too much longer.

There is a little girl, about four or five. Her parents are both asleep, but there she is, wide awake, even though it must be about five in the morning. Her big blue eyes stare back at me, and she smiles a small smile, her dimples lighting up her little face. The innocence of a child…what a lovely trait to have; I would give so much to have what this girl has; love, protection, purity. A small smile before the cruel world teaches her to scorn.

"Edward? Have you been listening to a word I've been saying?"

I turn my attention back to my sister. "Yes dear, I know. Charlie."

I had already seen what Alice had foreseen. Yes, Charlie's going to be angry, especially with me. He's going to stomp and yell and turn red like a balloon. And I do not blame him. If you saw the man responsible for the demise of your daughter, you'd want to smash him into bits too.

"Did you see the bit where it all goes blank, nothing?" I nod and shrug; it's probably just a shifting vision, something's going change. Something always changes.

"Well, do you have some kind of plan?" I chuckle minutely.

"No Alice, I really don't. Why, do you?" She places her finger on her chin and taps lightly, ideas flashing through her head quickly.

_I wonder why he's so sad._ I turn my head to the sound of the little girl thinking, but she already has her eyes closed, slowly dazing off. Her calm face reminds me of, well, you know. I feel my insides churn uncomfortably. This was going to be harder than I'd originally planned.

When we touch down in Seattle, the rest of the trip passes swiftly. Too swiftly, I don't know if I'm ready to return to Forks yet. Everything, every bare tree, every icy breath, every snow covered street brings back memories of being in the meadow with her, listening to her mumble in her sleep, watching her face light up whenever she saw me. I feel my heart ache terribly, and I put my head in my hands, choking back tears that will never fall from my eyes.

Alice reassuringly pats my shoulder. "I know, Edward, I know."

But she doesn't know; she can't understand what I'm feeling. I miss her so much, all the time. I try to think about other things, or other people, and I just come back to her. It's maddening, and it's the only thing keeping me alive.

Alice slows the car to a stop, as we are now parked in front of Charlie Swan's house. No one is home, and I turn to Alice for instructions on what to do next.

"He's at work. He'll be home late. He spends most of his time looking for Bel-"

"Don't say it!"

She rolls her eyes. "I don't understand you Edward! You fall head over heels into this girl, and now you won't let me say her name."

"It hurts too much," I growl.

"You brought this on yourself."

I feel my temper starting to flare. Alice sometimes has a way of pressing people's buttons.

"Alice, you know why I left her! I left her to save her! Was it not your lover that almost killed her? So don't lecture me about right and wrong Alice, because you're just as dammed as me!" She doesn't turn to look at me, but I can tell that she's furious. She squeezes the steering wheel tightly, and cracks start forming.

_Leave Jasper out of this Edward. You know it wasn't his fault. _She flashes pictures of Jasper after the incident into my mind, and I instantly recoil.

"I'm sorry Alice," I mumble. She shrugs and flashes me a cheerless grin.

"Things will improve, I promise." As much as I want to believe her, the outlook seems very grim. The car is filled with silence after our little tiff, so Alice turns on the radio.

"No, no music, please?" Even that she has taken with her; I haven't played the piano in months.

"Come on Edward, I'm not going to just sit in this car with no music for four hours. Bear down," she says, quoting the University of Arizona saying. Before I have a chance to respond she quickly turns on a Top 40 station, and soft keys of a piano leak out of the stereo.

"_The stars lean down to kiss you, and I lie awake and miss you."_

"No Alice, no love songs. At least spare me of that." She grumbles in her head, but ultimately turns to a classical station. I'm not sure how much of an improvement that is, but it's better than 'Vanilla Twilight'.

It's going to be a long night.

WHY NOT TWILIGHT? WHY NOT TWILIGHT? WHY NOT TWILIGHT?

Even though it seems like time passes slowly, especially for an immortal, it does move at a steady rate. Charlie eventually pulls his police cruiser onto the gravel driveway, and I pick up on his thoughts immediately.

_Another lonely night._ Instantly the guilt that is constantly radiating through me triples. Charlie is an introvert, yes, but even he needs some occasional company outside of Billy Black and work friends, and that company was his only daughter. And now she's gone, just like his wife. This poor man has had his share of disappointment in life.

Alice's golden eyes flicker over to my black ones. "Are you going to be okay?" I tell Alice yes, but if I'm truly being honest with myself, I am not. Charlie Swan's blood smells like sweet spring water in the middle of a desert. I feel venom starting to leak out of my incisors, and take steps to regain some kind of control.

Alice glares at me skeptically. She saw right through my lie, and is not happy about my dissolve for the truth.

"Just don't eat him, no matter what he yells. And try and let me do most of the talking, okay?" I believe I can follow on that one.

As we climb the steps to the front door, I can feel my invisible heart racing. How can I, a vampire, be so nervous to face a mere human man?

"Remember," Alice whispers, "don't eat-"

"Alice, shut up," I state; she's getting ridiculous. Of course, I'm not going to ham Charlie; I have more willpower than that. Besides, I'm only a tad thirsty.

_Just saying, lighten up, jeez. _Her mind rumbles. I simply ignore her, for everyone's best interest.

"Here goes." She presses her finger to the doorbell, and musical chimes fill my ears. I hear Charlie get off the couch and shuffle to the door.

"Who's there?" His voice is gruff and authoritative. I try to answer, but the words catch in my throat.

Alice answers instead. "Alice and Edward Cullen." It is completely silent for one long minute, as if the world has completely shut down.

_No way in hell._ Charlie's mind responds, and Alice and I take a step back in anticipation of him swinging the door wide open, which he does.

The second he sees us standing on his porch his face turns a bright red, then blue, then purple, just like Alice foresaw.

"Charlie, calm down, we can-" But Charlie's not really listening. He lunges forward and grabs the cuff of my polo shirt, pressing me against his car. This close, his blood has a mouthwatering scent, and his eyes look so much like hers.

"You have got a lot of nerve coming back here! How dare you, after all the pain you've put my family through! Do you even know what's happened to Bella?! Do you even care?"

I feel as if I'm about to faint. Dear God, he said it. He said her name, I haven't heard that name in over three months, but it still affects me in such strange ways. Can a heart be broken, repaired, and then broken again in a matter of seconds?

"I'm TALKING to you! Show some respect, since you obviously didn't have any for her!" I peer over my shoulder at Alice.

_Say something._

So I do. "I'm sorry Mr. Swan." He looks even angrier, and I can hear his teeth grinding together. His mind is scattered; filled with detailed memories of her and silent hopes of choking me.

"Do you think I want your damn pity? No, I want my little girl back! And you can't give me that, can you?" At this moment a neighbor comes by and pulls Charlie off of me. Others have gathered around, and are glaring at Alice and me.

_What a shame._

_How dare they come back?!_

_I knew those kids weren't right._

_Poor Bella._

_Stupid bloodsuckers._

How judgmental… Wait, what? I turn my head, searching out the person who said this latter statement. I sniff the air, and find a horrendous smell. Even Charlie's blood is overlapped by this abhorrent scent; its smells like dirt and wet dog.

"Do you smell that?" I murmur, far too low for any human's undeveloped ear.

She nods once, and then turns to Charlie. She always hot along better with him than I did. "Charlie, if we could just come in and sit down, everything can be explained. Okay?"

As Charlie yells back that I am never allowed in his home again, I pinpoint the smell. It's a child, some boy. He is hiding towards the back of the crowd, his dark eyes set on my own. He is not smiling, and the low growl that escapes his lips is not friendly.

I know this smell, I've experienced it before. I dig through the archives of memories in my mind, trying to revive it.

"Charlie, we just want to help you find her, okay? We have some connections; some resources that could bring her home. That's what you want, right?" Oh, blackmail. Alice is a queen at it.

Charlie looks less angry for a spilt second, and I know that he is going to give in.

"Fine. But ten minutes, and then you're out. And I'm only doing this for Bella, Alice. And definitely not for him." He gently pushes his neighbor off of him and yells for everyone to go home.

The dark-eyed boy steps out of the shadows, and Alice and I instantly tense. There is something very familiar about this boy, yet something very different.

Charlie's features, on the other hand, soften almost immediately.

"Jacob?"

The boy, Jacob, nods. "Heard something was going on here. Wanted to make sure you were okay."

Charlie huffs loudly. "Yeah Jake, I'm okay. Go ahead and start home. I'll call Billy later." That's right, he's Billy Black's son. But there's something else off about him…

The boy nods again, glares at us one more time, and runs off into the darkness. We follow Charlie into the house, a tense silence filling the room.

He turns on us suddenly, his glaze steely and unsociable.

"Okay, talk."


	3. Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

Title: Crossroads

Author: Ilovejohnmayer

Chapter Title: Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephanie, just as my stories belong to me!

N/B: This is my fourth Fanfic, but my first Twilight story. Takes place in New Moon time. Please, tell me if anything is wrong or off with Edward or Alice or even Bella. Thanks for all the great reviews, and thanks to askjaz for all her help!

"May we sit?" Charlie nods tensely, and we sit down on the sofa. My nose picks up traces of her, and it somehow comforts me. We will find her, I just know we will. We must.

Alice speaks up first, even though Charlie is glaring at me. "Charlie, Mr. Swan, my family and I would just like to say we were very distressed to learn about what had happened to Bella."

He mumbles something like, 'Better be.'

But Alice holds up one hand. "That being said, we are not responsible for the events that unfolded after we left."

Charlie and I both shout an enraged, "What!" at the same time, and he looks at me questioningly.

_Go along with me Edward._

"What happened to Bella was, I mean, is, terrible. But Edward can't be responsible, she acted of her own free will. She's an adult, she made her own choices."

Charlie looks as if he wants to argue, but Alice has a point. Even though I did indirectly cause this mess, I didn't place in her in that truck and drive her to wherever she is.

"But…but…" Charlie stares past me in thought for a while, and the room is silent except for quiet breathing.

Finally, he speaks, fiddling his thumbs lightly. "Fine, you win. Now get out."

"No Charlie, this isn't about winning or losing. We actually want to help find her." He glares at me, and I nod in agreement with Alice.

"Anything you know may help." I mumble inaudibly.

He shoots glances between Alice and me, stands up, paces for a moment, stops, runs his hands through his hair, sighs, and sits back down.

"Okay, you can help, but I'm only doing this for Bella."

"Mr. Swan, I believe we are all doing this for Bella." He glares at me again, but continues talking.

"Bella…left home about two months ago. One day I came home, her truck was gone, and a note on the fridge said, 'Couldn't stay here, I love you, Bella'. I called all her mother and friends and cousins and everything, but there was no sign of her. So they put her, against my wishes, in the runaways system, that way other police forces around the country could keep a lookout. I've got a few leads I'm following, but none seem promising. She's not using any credit cards, so its hard to track that, and there are a lot of Isabella Swan's out there, so I can't just break down every door.

"Last month, I got a promising lead out of L.A. Brunette girl, out of Washington, busted for solicitation. I prayed it wasn't Bells, but at the same time I hoped it was. Well, it wasn't, but someone else found their daughter." He trails off, his aging eyes downcast.

Alice speaks up after a few minutes. "Charlie, where are the leads? I mean, in what cities?"

His brows knit together as he processes the question.

"Umm…well, Phoenix, of course, New Orleans, Detroit, Chicago, L.A, Cincinnati, and New York City." I see Alice scanning through her visions, looking for identifying clues, like the Statue of Liberty or the Ohio River.

_It's in the Midwest or East Coast, but not Phoenix, L.A, or New Orleans_. Okay, we've narrowed it down.

"Alice?" Alice's head snaps back up, her eyes clouded with visions still.

"Do you…do you really think we'll find her?" His voice breaks a little, and he clears his throat in an attempt to mask his emotions.

"I'm sure of it Charlie." She hesitantly pats one of his hands, and he smiles weakly, warming up to her kind temperament.

"I still remember the month before she left. It was horrible, it was like someone had taken Bella and replaced her with someone I didn't know. She was a zombie; it was like a nightmare around here. She never really talked to people, unless you said something first; she didn't hang out with her friends anymore. She went to school and work, did her studies, got good grades; but she wasn't really there. Her eyes were blank, she was just gone."

I feel so conflicted. Why was she like this? I mean, how could I really have this kind of affect on someone? Why did she just leave like this?

_Sounds like someone I know_. Shut up Alice. I don't truly think I affect her the way she does for me. It's just…different.

_Why? Why was it different Edward?_ I stand up and look around, looking for her voice. I heard her. I heard her voice in my head. And it wasn't a memory either, she was talking to me.

"Are you okay?" They both peer at me strangely, and Alice suggests that I sit down.

"Pardon me, I'm fine." Well, other than the fact that I'm losing my mind.

Charlie turns back to Alice and continues his narrative.

"And then there was the screaming." I don't need or want to listen in for this bit, but I can't help but see them in his mind. Her screams resonate throughout my mind and crush my spirits. I hear myself softly swear, and my breath catches in my throat. Did I, one "person", honestly cause all this?

"Don't worry Charlie, we'll bring her home." He nods and stars past her again, lost in thought. Curious, I turn to see what he keeps staring at.

Of course, it's a picture. A younger, less-stressed Charlie Swan stands next to a beautiful young woman; and between them is a toddler, with curly brown hair like her father and a smile like her mother. At first, I stare at 2-year old Bella with an unnatural yearning, but then my attentions turns, oddly, to her mother. Something in the back of my mind nudges me, telling me ask a question.

"Mr. Swan?"

He breaks free from his very depressive thoughts and glares at me. "Yes," he grumbles.

"Where does Bella's mother think she is?" Mothers have an uncanny ability to know things about their children, I have found. Whether they are alive, or dead, or even where they are, somehow they know.

He rolls his eyes. "Well, she has this crazy theory, but I doubt its right."

"Would you amuse me anyhow?" Alice cocks her head at me, wondering what I'm up to.

"Well, when Bella was younger, maybe 10 or so, she had this thing with musicals for a while. And her absolute favorite was _Chicago_. You know, the one with those two girls who kill and-"

"Yes, yes, I know. And?"

He ignores my impatience. "And she said she would go there one day. It was her dream city. But I bet she's forgotten all about that." I don't know, maybe not.

Alice, finally following my lead, offers to call Renee, leaving Charlie and me alone. It is uncomfortable for a moment, but then Charlie speaks.

"So…what have you been doing? How's L.A?"

"L.A? Oh, right. Fine, sunny."

"How's Carlisle and Esme?" I answer they are fine, they are all fine.

It is quiet again, before I ask him, "How are you faring?" He peers at me suspiciously.

"Okay, considering the circumstances," he pauses for a moment, "She blames me you know, Bella's mom. She says if Bella had never come here, this wouldn't have happened."

I sit up in my seat. "Mr. Swan, I feel as if I am to blame, despite what Alice said. I wish there was some way I could go back and never leave her. Or never meet her."

Charlie shakes his head. "No you don't. You love her; I'm not stupid enough to believe that lie. I don't understand why you left her, but I know you love her. Otherwise, you wouldn't have come back." I am left speechless. I see where Bella developed the ability to see through pretenses.

Alice walks back in.

"I think we should go now, its getting late, and Charlie needs his sleep."

Charlie laughs dryly. "I haven't really slept in a long time. I'll sleep when my girl is back home in her bed, where she belongs."

Alice shakes his hand and leaves. When I do, he pulls me close and mumbles in my ear, "I'm counting on you Edward Cullen. Bring Bells home." I simply nod, making an unspoken promise.

Outside I sniff the air, and still smell the horrible scent in the atmosphere.

"Come out boy!" Alice quips. It is soundless, and then the boy approaches from the shadows of the trees.

"The name's Jacob Black, not that you give a crap," he sneers, a sly smile creeping up on his russet-toned face.

"Didn't Charlie tell you to go home?" Alice's eyes narrow.

"Yeah, well, I had to make sure you parasites wouldn't have him for dinner, didn't I?" Hisses escape Alice and my mouths, and all three of us crouch into defensive positions.

No one moves, until Alice says, "Shit, we won't kill him today. Won't even maim him." She stands tall again, although Jacob looms taller than all of us, even me.

"So, dog, want did you really want?" He grimaces at me calling him dog, and a string of derogatory names about me run through his head.

"Why are you two back?" Alice answers his question while I listen to Jacob Black's head and process the idea if bringing Bella back to a place where werewolves dwell. I…couldn't leave her, I couldn't! I mean, it just wouldn't be safe, they are so unpredictable, especially the young ones.

_Huh. Good luck with that._ His thoughts are extremely pessimistic.

"We're going to find her." He glares and tells me to stay out of his head. I wonder how he knows about my gift. Did Bella tell him? I hope not, I hope she stayed as humanly far away from him as possible.

"It doesn't matter, cause I'm gonna find her first, before you and your little coven. Even before that other one."

Other one? "What other one?"

"Some vampire chick was all over the house, luckily when Charlie was at work. I think she was looking for Bella. How many of vampys are you guys friends with-"

"That was no friend." Alice's eyes go wide, but not wider than my own. No one from my coven would have come back to search for Bella, no one wants revenge on an unprotected human girl. No one but…

"Victoria."

Alice turns to me, and I can see exactly what she's seeing.

"Oh. God…"

Jacob look panicked, glancing between Alice and myself. "What, what is it? What's wrong?"

I sign softly, feeling my insides bleed at the thought of what is in my head happening. Because I know what Victoria will do if she reaches Bella before me.

"A vampire named Victoria is on her way to Chicago this very minute."

He rolls his eyes, relieved for the moment. "Yeah, so?"

I take in a deep breath, to push myself to utter these deadly words.

"If she finds Bella first, before any of us, she will kill her."


	4. City Love

Title: Crossroads

Author: Ilovejohnmayer

Chapter Title: City Love

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephanie, just as my stories belong to me!

N/B: Sorry about the delay, I had school stuff to deal with! This is my fourth Fanfic, but my first Twilight story. Takes place in New Moon time. Please, tell me if anything is wrong or off with Edward or Alice or even Bella. Thanks for all the great reviews, and thanks to askjaz for all her help!

I climb into the car, intent on catching the first flight out to Chicago. Jacob has disappeared to God-knows where, and Alice is staring off in the distance, her wide eyes blank and impassive. I feel elated, though worried at the same. It's just that, I know she's there. I can practically feel her close to me.

"Edward, wait!" I stop for a moment but then respond to Alice by telling her that, unless she'd like stay in Forks, she'd better get in the car.

"Edward, Victoria is after Bella, remember? We don't know who she has with her! Knowing Victoria, she's turned the Volturi against us. We are going to need reinforcements if we stand any chance against her."

I roll my eyes, unsympathetic. "Alice, this is one vampire we are talking about. I think the two of us can handle her, unless you doubt your abilities…"

She put her middle finger up to my face and climbs in the car.

"Just drive, asshole." I laugh loudly for the first in a long time (such a long time that my mouth actually hurts me when I do), and start the car. The laughing, mixed with the pleasure of almost having found Bella make me feel an emotion that I had been working hard to suppress. Hope.

"But Edward, really, promise me. If things get too out of hand, you will call Carlisle."

"No." I shake my head, my hands grasped firmly on the steering wheel, "I don't want to hurt anyone else because of my callous mistakes. Please, Alice, just trust me for once." She looks disbelieving, but lets it go. I just gaze vacantly out of the window, my instincts driving the car for me, and consider Alice's words.

Would Victoria really still be looking for my Bella? Would she really raise an army for one little human girl? I have to pray she won't, because Victoria will be hard enough to kill without a bunch of young ones there as well.

The flight to Chicago is uneventful, though long. Alice is no longer talking to me, because I made her lie to Jasper about what we are doing. He would want to help me, which means Emmett and Esme and everyone else would want to help too. It doesn't really matter though, her not speaking to me. I can still hear her mind, of course, but I decide to be respectful and keep my distance.

It is winter in the Windy City, which means I don't need to worry about my sparkling skin. As we step outside, I whistle to hail a cab while Alice slips on a pair of gloves.

"So, do you have some kind of plan, Edward?"

"P…plan?" I slowly stutter. She blinks her canary eyes wide.

"Yeah Edward, a plan. Detailed instructions on how the hell we're going to find Bella in a city of 2.8 MILLON people! Or were you just planning on going on Oprah and hoping she'll be in the audience?" Sarcasm is thick in her tone. I chuckle lowly and reply,

"No, I just thought we'd walk around aimlessly and sniff her out, like Wishbone or something." She is still glaring at me as the taxi pulls up. The young man gapes at Alice, amazed at her unnatural beauty. She ignores him; Alice is not one to be swayed by humans.

As we drive through the city I try to actually formulate a plan. I don't know where I'm going to find her exactly, but I do know that there are people who do. And humans are easy to extract information from, especially when you have the sufficient funds, they are in the face of danger, or you can simply see into their innermost thoughts.

"She's getting weaker Edward. And it's getting harder to pinpoint her location. She's moving around, a lot."

We set up shop in a high-class hotel and rest a little bit of time. But time means life or death for Bella, and I cannot rest until is safe in my arms.

"Come on Alice, it's time to go and look." She's lying on the bed, watching the local news.

"No rest for the undead?" I shake my head, offering my hand to help her up.

"No rest for the undead." She sighs, but gets up, and we leave.

"So, Oh Wise One, where to first?" I ponder for a moment, and then decide.

"Her apartment building." She nods, and begins to pull me down the street, already knowing where the place I desire is.

Even in the dark I can tell that this place is old and withered. The white paneling is barely hanging onto the building, and the windows are covered in soot. A 'For Sale' sits in the yard, and a middle aged man is carrying boxes outside.

"Excuse me, sir?" He peers at us suspiciously, holding his boxes tighter to his chest. As if I would want his junk. Humans and their things…

"What do ya want?" As we move closer, his scent hits me like a tidal wave. While it's no Bella, it smells delicious. He smells delicious. I turn to see Alice practically licking her lips, and nudge her to remind her.

"No humans." I whisper in a tone too low for mortal ears. We both shake out of our hunter trance and ask him if he's the owner.

"Was. Had to sell. Didn't have enough tenants, and the ones I had couldn't pay." Probably because he doubled rent.

"My brother and I are looking for one certain tenant of yours."

He smirks widely. "Yeah? Well, I don't give out info on my tenants. So there! Now, move along with your business before I call the cops."

Alice looks like she wants to strangle him, but I hold her back and gently clear my throat.

"Please, sir? Just listen to the description, this girl is very important to me. Brown hair, brown eyes, from the West Coast, young, about 18. Probably kept to herself. Please sir?"

He's not going to say anything to me, I already know this. I can see it on his face; he generally doesn't give a damn. But his mind…it's an open book for my own mind to devour.

_A young woman moves boxes from an old red pickup, clearly struggling. The middle aged man helps her, hoping to learn more about his new tenant. _

"_So sweetheart," he says, his Midwest accent thick, "what brings you to Chicago?" _

_She looks uncomfortable, but answers. "Just needed a change of scenery." He nods and smiles, revealing a mouth of rotting teeth. _

"_So, you gonna be a famous actress or somethin'?" She shakes her head, silently scoffing._

"_Not at all, if I wanted that, I'd be in New York right now. I have a job as a barista at a café, and I'd like to just make ends meet, really." They have reached her apartment. _

"_Maybe I could help you unpack, you know, inside…" She rolls her eyes and slams the door in his face. _

"_Bitch." He mumbles, shuffling downstairs, reminding himself to raise her rent when he got the chance. _

"Anyways, like I was saying, I can't tell you guys nothing about my previous renters. Landlord's code." He gets into his van and starts up, honking for Alice and me to move.

_Yeah, go ahead and try to run me over with this crappy vehicle you call a van. It will become spare parts, and you'll meet Jesus._ I stifle laughter and pull her and her thoughts out of the way. The man curses, gives us a lovely middle finger, and drives down the streets. I can't hold it in anymore, and I burst out laughing.

"Edward, I find this whole situation less than amusing. Now, can we please go eat?" She's right, and somber thoughts of Bella enter my now guilt-filled mind. How can I stand here and laugh while she's starving on some Chicago street?

We leave Chicago for an hour or so, have dinner, and return to the hotel to retrace our steps. Alice keeps a lookout in Bella's future, while I pace, trying to imagine where she would go.

I stare out of the wide window, wishing I could see her face right now, hold her in my hands. Just the chance to embrace her once more, look into her soulful eyes, tell her how much I love her.

"Where are you, my love?" I quietly ask the night, the wind blandly blowing across my face. I breathe in deeply, and smell something I haven't smelled in a long time.

Bella's scent. It's very strong, the strongest it's been since I left her.

Alice is at my side in an instant.

"It's not her passing by, it's someone else. Someone has something that belongs to her, her stuff. The visions are being so sporadic, I don't seem to be able to control them. Either she's now selling her stuff, or she's been robbed. We need to find her Edward. Now." By the time Alice finishes this last sentence, I've already jumped from the balcony onto the frozen sidewalk, and I'm holding a gruffy, old man by the collar, pressing him against the stone wall.

"What the-"

"Shut up! Just shut up!" I yell at him. I can smell her on him, I smell my girl on him. I breathe it in deeply, a low group rising of out my chest.

Alice is suddenly by my side, but makes no move to release the old man.

"Edward…"

"Alice, he knows. I know he knows." I search his mind, leafing over every detail until I find the one I need.

I reach into his left pocket and pull out the bracelet Renee gave Bella for her sixteenth birthday.

"Where did you get this?" Alice's eyes go wide, and the old man's do as well.

"Uh…don't know? I mean, found it? Hey, hey you cops?" He stutters nervously. I press him against the wall even harder.

"Do. Not. Lie. To. Me." My body, my self is so filled with rage. I feel myself shaking; I would very much like to strangle the life out of this man.

The man, unable to breath, tries to gasp out answers. Alice grips my arm and looks me in the eye.

_Don't do it Edward, he didn't take Bella away._ I feel my eyes go wide with panic. This…this isn't me.

I let the man go, and he falls to the ground, coughing and sputtering.

"I didn't do it man, I didn't do it!" He tries to run away, but Alice grabs him. I try to speak, to move, but I can't. I can't believe I almost killed an innocent person. Am I just as bad as Victoria; one goal to achieve, and death for all those who stand in my way?

"Please answer the previous question. Where did you get this?"

The human looks around, as if to escape, but after deciding that that is just not possible, he informs us of how he got the stolen piece of jewelry.

"Okay, okay! I'll tell ya! I ripped it off some sick chick in Legion Park. I didn't kill her or nothing; I was gonna pawn it off or something. Finders keepers, ye?"

I stand and watch while Alice takes the jewelry back from the man and yells to him as he runs away.

"You should be ashamed of yourself, stealing from ill, defenseless young girls!" She turns to me, and gently places a hand on my shoulder.

"Edward, its okay…" I shrug it off.

"No, its not. I'm turning into a manic, and Bella is sick. Let's go." She drops the subject for the moment, and we run to Legion Park. Homeless people are set up all around, but I can smell her so well. I'm so close to her.

"Edward, over here!" I run over to where Alice is. And behind the bathrooms, on a bench, covered in tattered rags, is a sleeping, pale girl, coughing, and covered in blood. I feel my mouth drop ever so slightly, and my hand reach out to touch the one person in the whole world who makes everything right again.

"Bella?"


	5. Love Song For No One

Title: Crossroads

Author: Ilovejohnmayer

Chapter Title: Love Song For No One

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephanie, just as my stories belong to me.

N/B: Um, omg. Sorry…

"Oh my God, Bella?" I gently touch her face, she can't be real. This can't be real.

"Edward, we need to go." Alice's eyes survey the park, on alert for possible danger, but I can't move from Bella's side. It's her, she's here with me. My sweet girl, I missed you so, so much. I will never leave your side again.

"Edward now; we need to leave now!" I try to respond, but nothing really comes out. I'm a weird state of shock. I gently shake Bella, but she doesn't react to my touch, she just shifts on the bench. She is so cold, colder than she should be.

"Hey, hey you kids, leave Bellie alone!" An older woman dressed in a very large coat and old boats walks toward us, her finger pointed at me. I can hear her thoughts, she thinks we're trying to rob Bella, or hurt her. Alice disengages herself from her patrol and starts toward the woman when she suddenly stops.

_Edward…_

I know. Victoria is here.

"I'm callin' the cops! Leave her alone, you damn kids!" These people need to leave if they know what's good for them. Most humans get a feeling of wariness towards us, their conscience urging them to believe their gut feeling – that we are not normal, and to be around is not safe.

I stand in front of Bella. Alice whips around and runs, following after Victoria. I stand as close to Bella as I can while keeping up with Alice. I don't want anyone else, and especially not Alice, to get because of me. The homeless woman continues to yell at us, other people are yelling at her to be quiet, it is pure and utter chaos. Every other second I see a wisp of red hair, and I clench my fists tighter. She will not touch Bella.

I try to keep up with what Victoria is thinking and where she is going, but there are so many people in this park, and off the streets coming into the park. Humans can be so stupid in this way- they jeopardize their safety just to cure their curiosity. This is all happening so fast, only about thirty seconds has passed. Alice tells me to grab Bella and run, but I can't leave Alice to fend for herself.

"I know you hear me you kids. Bad kids! Bad-"_Crack!_ I whip around to see the homeless woman on the ground, her neck bent out of shape. She's dead.

Alice stands next to me now, looking up at a tree where Victoria stands. _Well she was just getting annoying, wasn't she? _I don't wait for Alice to start up again- I just go. Victoria is fast, but I'm fast too. We run all over the park, through alleys and over rooftops. The wind whips past me, people are screaming as they realize that the woman is dead, but that doesn't matter because I need to run faster. I'm getting closer, I reach out to grab a bit of cloth hanging off her back.

She yells as I grab her clothes and swing her back into a concrete wall, slamming her head against the wall again and again, while bits of concrete fall onto the pavement.

_This isn't over_,I hear her think.

"This is over; you will never again lay a hand on her, ever." I growl back, beginning to crush her head with my hands. I can feel her brain giving way to the pressure when I hear Alice speaking to me.

_Edward, come back._

I am distracted for a millisecond, but it's enough. Victoria gives me a swift kick to the gut, and I can't fight back against it, I go flying back. Victoria laughs madly, and disappears.

I punch the wall in anger and despair. I had her, I had her right there, I could have ripped her head off her neck, and I didn't. I should have moved faster, I should have concentrated my strength harder; I shouldn't have been so easily distracted.

I run back over, utterly disappointed with myself.

_It was going to happen, I saw it. _I scowl at Alice, shifting my gaze to Bella, and then to the dead woman, who is now surrounded by several homeless people staring at us, some suspicious, some frightened.

"Now come on, she needs a hospital." Alice forces me to bring my focus back to Bella and away from the disapproving looks of the people she, like society at large, ignores.

However, she's right. I gently pick up Bella, who is even lighter than before, if that's possible. As we leave the park, I can hear sirens in the distance, but I push the previous events from my head and center my attention on Bella.

She's sick, very very sick. She's shivering, but she's burning up and sweating. I try to hold her head up, because it seems like she's having trouble breathing. I say her name, shake her gently, but she doesn't respond in any way.

"Jesus Christ Bella…" I don't know what else to say or do, other than get her to the hospital. How did this even happen? How could I let this happen to her?

At the hospital we quickly get help from doctors and nurses. They ask some questions that Alice answers, about Bella living on the streets. I should be answering these questions, but I just stare at her, taking her in. What if I lose her again?

I am not going to lose her again.

I am not going to lose her.

They wheel her into one of the trauma rooms, but don't allow me to come in.

"But I need to be with her!" The nurse shakes her head.

"I'm sorry sweetie, but you need to let us do our jobs." I bow my head in frustration and turn back to Alice, who shrugs.

_Give them a few minutes to work._ I consider sneaking in while they work on her, but Alice has her hand on my arm, shaking her head. She knows me too well.

I can hear the doctors quietly give the nurses commands, while the nurses grab various medical items from drawers and cabinets. I push Alice off me and pace the hallway, hoping to enter soon, to see her and make sure she's okay.

She has to be okay. She has to. It hurts too much to think about her not being okay. I feel so strange, so unlike myself. I haven't felt this many complex emotions since I fell in love with Isabella, I feel so…so…human. It's exasperatingly difficult.

I sit down in a chair, my head dropping to my lap. I run my hands through my hair in frustration, gripping it and pulling. I want to scream, I don't feel like myself. I hate feeling so out of control, I feel like a newborn vampire.

A different nurse notices me and comes out into the corridor.

"Here, let's get your mind on track. Wanna answer some of these questions for me?" She pulls out a chart and asks me the first question, a smile playing lightly on her lips.

"Her name is Isabella Marie Swan." We go through the questions I know the answer to by heart, easy stuff like Bella's birthday and where she lives. However, some questions quickly become unanswerable.

"Do you know why she came to Chicago?" I shake my head. I wish I knew what the hell she was thinking when she dropped everything and decided to come to a big city by herself. I had specifically told her to not do anything rash or stupid! Then again, how often did Bella truly listen to me?

"You should probably call her father; he's been searching for her for months," Alice quipped. Oh yes, Charlie. I smiled inside, imagining his relief when he heard his daughter was safe.

The nurse nodded as one of the doctors walked out of the room. He chatted with her for a few minutes before he turned to us. And, although we had already heard what he had said to the nurse, we listened to his spiel again.

"Your Ms. Swan is lucky to be alive, a lot of kids don't make it as well as she did living on the streets. She has community-acquired pneumonia, hypothermia and malnutrition. The pneumonia probably developed from a virus, like the flu, and that plus the hypothermia made the pneumonia worse than we usually see for someone her age. That's why she was coughing up blood. She'll be in here for a couple days, maybe a week, and then she can go home. You said her father was coming?"

We both nod.

"Good. Well, she should regain consciousness within the next 12 hours. She seems to having a great deal of difficulty breathing, so we had to place a breathing tube down her throat. That will get better soon, and we can take it out, probably by tomorrow. When she wakes up she will probably be confused and may not remember everything that has happened.

"She is very lucky that you found her. She's lucky to be alive."

We thank the doctor and he leaves, along with the nurse, who informs us that we can go inside the room now.

_I'll call the family, you go ahead._ She can sense the excitement I feel. I smile at her and thank the nurse, who smiles at me too, seeing how joyful my expression has become.

Despite my joy though, I walk slowly into the room, apprehensive. Am I prepared to see her hurt again, covered in tubes and wires? It seems cruel, the many times I've seen her hurt or near death. I wish she would believe when I said I was no good for her.

And then I see her. I see her and the pain seems to melt away. I look at Bella and thank all things and everything that she is alive and safe now.

And beautiful, she's still so beautiful. She has always been so beautiful to me; I sometimes wonder how she can't see it for herself. I take in a deep breath, taking in the sweet smell of her blood, of her scent, while my eyes take her in again. I feel so…_good, _so whole again, so happy. I feel like nothing bad will ever happen to us again, even though I know that's not true.

I silently pull up a chair and look at her, take her in. Her brown hair, her pale skin, her rosy red lips, they are all here. Moments pass by as I just stare at her, skeptical to believe that she is really mine. There's no way this beautiful girl can be meant for me.

She looks so…vulnerable, much more than she usually does; I notice the deep, dark bangs that hang under her eyes. I glance at the IV lines and ventilator tube, but turn my focus back on her. I need to focus on her to not feel panicked and depressed and so very ashamed of myself.

I hear Alice come into the room, but I don't move. I close my eyes, and listen. I listen to a sound I missed so much.

Bella's heartbeat. Ahh…

_Better?_

I just nod, I feel like I can't talk. I feel like this could be a dream, and even though I know I haven't slept in over one hundred years, I feel terrified of the fact that this isn't real. That _she_ isn't real.

And then she sighs. A sound so light and sweet, but it's real. Her sigh snaps me out of my anxiety and back into the real world, where Bella is here and I need to take care of her.

I take her hand, careful not to disturb the wires, and hold it securely in both of mine. I remember when we began 'dating' and I would hug her as if I were drowning and she was my life raft, the only thing keeping me above water. It often felt that way.

I decide to speak a little to her. I'm not sure if she can hear me, but I need her to know this. Or maybe I just need to attempt to make myself feel better. Regardless, I need this.

"Bella? Bella my darling, I hope you can hear me. I love you, and I am so, so _so_ very sorry for leaving you. Had I known this was going to be the result I never would have…I mean, I would have…

"Bella, I love you so much, I love you more than life itself. I never wanted to leave you; I thought I was doing what was best for you. I've always wanted what's best for you love. And know that you give me strength and life and joy, you bring me so much joy, every single day.

"_La mia__bella ragazza__ti adoro_. I love you, and I will always love you."

I gently kiss her hand, inhaling her sweet scent in, and sit up in my seat. I can feel Alice looking at me expectedly.

_What now?_

"Now we wait."


	6. Spilt Screen Sadness

Title: Crossroads

Author: Ilovejohnmayer

Chapter Title: Spilt Screen Sadness

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Ms. Stephanie Meyer, just as my stories belong to me.

N/B: Here ya go

The remainder of the Cullen family arrives a few hours before Charlie, meeting me outside of Bella's room, as the hospital only permits a certain number of people to be in a patient's room at any one time. I would have preferred to sit with Bella while speaking with them, but they deserve to know what's going on.

_What the hell is this Edward?_ Rosalie is angry- Jasper and Emmett are too. Carlisle and Esme should be angry with me as well, it would only be understandable and right, but they are just happy to see me, Esme happier than anyone else. Carlisle's mind seems slightly confused by my actions.

So I explain. "I'm sorry I had to keep you all in the dark. I am also sorry that I asked Alice to not speak of it, but I had to ensure Bella's safety, as well as your own."

"So you don't think I can take on Victoria" Emmett challenges, flexing his muscles.

I shrug. "I wasn't willing to take that chance."

Jasper shakes his head. _Do you understand how worried I felt Edward; not knowing what Alice was doing or going? How could you? And then you put her in harm's way…_ Jasper's anger is visible now- his body shakes and his hands are clenched.

"Jasper, I am truly sorry. I told Alice to leave, after we had figured out where Bella was, but she refused. She is selfless in this way, this you know. I promise you, I did my best to protect her. She is my sister." His rage decreases, but I can tell he is still hurt by my actions.

He wraps his arm around Alice's waist tightly as she rolls her eyes at him.

"I didn't see any danger coming to me Jasper; I knew what I was getting myself into. No need to worry." She smiles sweetly and gives him a peek on the cheek. He grins shakily, trying to relax.

Esme turns face me. "How is Bella doing?"

"Better." It has only been a few hours, but the medicine and warmth have already started to take effect. Color has returned to her face and her heart beats steadily now. She hasn't quite gained consciousness, but neither the doctor nor I am worried, she'll wake up soon enough.

And as excited, as eager, as I am to see her beautiful brown eyes open again, I can not help but feel a slight sense of dread.

It is very likely that Bella will not want me to stay with her. She may have moved on, found someone else to love. Found someone who isn't a monster. Someone who simply isn't _me_.

Maybe she has simply stopped loving me. I wouldn't blame her, I could understand that. I would leave her alone, forever, if she wanted that. I am not sure how I would make it through the rest of my existence without her, but I love her more than I love myself, and will do what she wants.

Regardless, my curiosity is rooted even deeper within myself than my despair. Why did she run away from home, why did she come here, to Chicago, instead of going to live with her mother and Phil? What could have been possibly been going through her mind?

"Well, we're glad she is doing well." I smile at Esme and give her the hug her mind is yearning for. We talk a little more, and then I return to Bella's room.

A few hours later, as I'm sitting with Bella, singing her lullaby, stroking her hair, Charlie comes in. His thoughts overwhelm me; he is full of pure relief and happiness. His eyes fill with unbridled joy as he stares at his only child, still alive, still safe.

"Oh thank God," he mumbles as he moves over to her bedside. I move out of the way and leave the room, giving him some time with her. As I leave her doctor goes in, nodding politely at me.

Carlisle sits outside, waiting for me. I sit next to him, rubbing my hands together anxiously. I can hear the doctor talking to Charlie, saying Bella should wake within the next few hours. Carlisle stares at me, trying to figure out what is bothering me, why I keep fidgeting in my chair.

_Edward, calm down, I'm sure everything will end up fine. Humans are forgiving creatures; Bella will understand why you did what you did._

"She shouldn't. She should be angry and hurt, and she has every right to be. As much as I would like to hope that she will disregard my horrendous behavior, I don't think she will. I hurt her Carlisle; somehow I managed to hurt the one person who I love so much. She deserves better, she always has." I stand up and stare out the large window, watching people rush around. Why couldn't our life be like normal like that? Why did feel like misfortune was always trying to pull Bella and I apart?

Well, I know why. It is me, I'm the reason all of this has happened to her, and the monster inside of me, the same monster that has transformed from hunger into selfishness, comes alive. I should leave her alone. I should have never been with her in the first place.

_It's not that simple Edward, you and Bella's love has never been that simple._

"But it is." My voice is quiet, empty, filled with despair. As much I as I often look to Carlisle for advice, as wise as he is, I do not believe he has the expertise in this subject.

Carlisle begins to say something, but stops. A dark haired woman hurries down the hallway towards us, a slightly overweight man following behind her. Renee.

Carlisle and I stand to greet Bella's mother.

"Oh hello Edward, I didn't know you were going to be here, last I heard you had…"She trails off, unsure of how to continue. Then she glances back at Phil, suddenly remembering he is there.

"Phil, this is Edward. You remember, I told you about Edward. And this is Edward's father, Dr. Cullen."

"Please, call me Carlisle." Carlisle shakes his hand warmly, smiling in his best, non threatening way. I used to remind myself to smile at Bella that way, so afraid I would frighten her off. Of course, that's what really should have happened, she really should have run. Alas, she did not, and the selfish monster in me rejoices at the thought.

Phil is a bit taken aback at our appearance, but is pleasant nonetheless.

Charlie comes out and greets Renee with a wide smile, still drunk with joy at Bella's return. He takes them back into Bella's room, and I sit back down and wait and think and wait some more. Carlisle continues to think thoughts intended for me to hear, to make me feel self gratified, but I ignore him.

And then I hear it, above the beeping of machines and muffled voices and coughs and sneezes, I hear her heart pick up speed, her breath quicken.

She's waking up.

I stand up so abruptly even Carlisle slightly alarmed at the suddenness of my movement. I slip into her room quietly; the four humans in the room are too engrossed in their conversation to notice me, and begin to study her face.

Her eyes are closed tightly and her hands clench the bed sheet. My eyes gaze over her, trying to figure out what's wrong. She looks so tense, in so much pain. I move to call the doctor over (more morphine should do the trick) when her eyes flutter open.

And instantly there is peace in my body. I feel every broken piece of me repair itself, feel my body healing in places where I didn't know I was injured. My heart is filled again, my soul is full. Love may be the strangest, most difficult sensation I have ever struggled with, but it has made me whole again.

I take in a deep breath, inhaling her floral scent once more, and smile ever so gently.

"Hello Bella." I say it quietly, hoping I have not startled her.

Her face is instantly filled with confusion and fear, her hands grasping the sheets even harder than before. She looks around frantically, and I yearn to calm her.

"Bella, it's alright, you are safe here. You are safe now."

She stares back at me, still confused, her brow furrowed in that spot I love, but quickly her look changes. Her face becomes cautious, yet somehow yearning. She closes her eyes briefly, soothingly rocking her head back and forth before opening them again, her look now surprised and overjoyed to find me still there.

I grasp her hand and smile. "Welcome back love." She looks at me, her expression first intense, then blank, completely devoid of emotion. I wish I could hear her, figure out what is going through her mind. Her parents and doctor come over from the corner, all smiles, happy to see her awake. Renee begins asking her questions, but Bella just gets more confused.

"Bella, it's alright. You're in the hospital, you're safe now," I whisper into her ear, pushing her hand back tenderly. I want so badly to kiss her hair, her cheek, the nape of neck right below her earlobe, but I don't want to push it. I don't want to upset or confuse her further.

She gingerly lifts one arm and points at the tube in her mouth, motioning that she wants it out.

As the doctor looks over her stats, she stares at me, her brow furrowed, her eyes clouded. Maybe she doesn't remember. Maybe between the weeks of surviving the streets of Chicago and fighting away illness, she's forgotten the terrible pain and injustice I've caused her.

Maybe there is a chance for us.

I turn to look back at the faces of my family, staring in through the window. My beloved mother and father, smiling happily to see Bella awake, Rosalie disgusted, Emmett torn, Jasper still bothered and Alice…

I don't read Alice's face. I read Alice's mind instead, and it crushes me. She shakes her head at me, letting me know that nothing is set in stone, that the future changes all the time, because situations, circumstance and people change. And I can only hope that this foreseen future will never come to be.

But as I turn back to look at this beautiful girl who once dared to love me, this beautiful creature who has always deserved better than I could give her, I can tell that my hopes are no good. I can see it in her eyes; I can feel it in soul.

She remembers.


End file.
